Saturday, October 30, 2010

Fill ‘er Up

It's kind of funny. I remember hearing my parents talk about how cheap gas was when they were teenagers and young adults. I always thought if only prices were like that my tank would always be full to go wherever I want. And there was some truth in that. When gas prices went down to about $.80 while I was in my senior year in high school I probably put way too many miles on my little Celica. That tank was seemingly an endless supply of go-juice. And when the gauge did get low, I didn't even have to think about it; I just filled her back up again. Of course it also helped that my parents let me have one of their QT cards!

Today though, gas prices are a little painful. I actually cringe when my tank gets below ¼. I start looking at where I am, where I am going and think about which gas stations will likely have the cheapest price. I will even let that tank go almost dry if I know a station two exists up is a few cents a gallon cheaper. Still, the tank does get refilled no matter what the price per gallon is. When I need the refill I get a refill.

Well, my Spirit tank works much the way my car's tank works. It runs dry from time to time if I don't keep an eye on it. I didn't realize this until recently. I have always believed that once I made Christ Lord of my life, that the Holy Spirit came within me and filled me for all time. The Spirit was there whenever I needed it, my tank was ALWAYS full. I now am seeing that I must pull in for a fill up, but unlike when I was first driving I have to actually passionately want to be filled. I have to ask for that fill up of the Spirit. If I ignore the Spirit, my tank will run dry.

I have been in this empty state for the past few weeks I think. That probably explains why this is the first post in that time. I again have been on the travel gig, and I have again let myself get too busy, too important to think about where the Spirit gauge is. It is way low; the light is on for sure. So, my prayers over the last few days have been much like some of the prayers of the New Testament prayers. I am begging God to again fill me with His Spirit and to remove the things that drain my tank. Of course, I think He is doing things His way (surprise) and not really doing this the way I thought. I mean, really, wouldn't be easier just to have my company say "Mark, we have a bunch of new hires. You don't need to travel anymore." No, I hear God saying instead, "Mark, I am going to slowly show you the things that are draining my Spirit. Now you, Mark, must decide to actually make the changes to stop letting those things keep you from Me."

I am sure there is a great reason He does this, but I still don't (and never will) understand why God continues to put those types of responsibilities on me. I have failed at this far too often for Him to think I would ever be successful. Yet, He still believes in me. He still wants desperately for me to finally recognize the joy that only comes from full devotion and reliance on Him. And He will NOT force Himself on me. Otherwise, I would not experience that full joy. It must be my choice; I must constantly want His Spirit filled up in me.

Fill me up God! Fill me to overflowing so that I may be overjoyed in all things. Let me overflow so much with your Spirit that everyone around me cannot help but see your Glory and want to experience the same joy you have given to me.