Monday, August 30, 2010

Beginning Again

On what seems a rather frequent occurrence in my short (at least to me) life I am once again at a starting point. I have realized over the last couple of years that I have again allowed myself to be consumed with an incorrect focus for my life. I have again put my own abilities ahead of reliance on God. I have assumed I was capable of handling whatever this life throws at me or my family without assistance from the help of God or any Godly person. After all, I know what God expects of me, and dang it, I can do it!

Funny thing is, I think that might be about the same type of thinking that hit Adam and Eve in the garden. I think it is the same thing that has caused each of us to mess up time and time again. It is that ugly thing we call pride. This isn’t the kind of pride where you are “proud” of finishing a race. No, this is the straight-out evil pride that leaves you saying, “I am strong enough to do this on my own.” This is the kind of pride that keeps you from turning to God, and instead leaves you to your own demise when, inevitably you finally fail.

I, of course, have failed due to my own stupid pride way too many times. So, I guess this time at least I am catching myself earlier in the buildup of that pride before it takes me right up to the edge for my next big fall. I now have the chance, maybe for the first time to start fresh from a point somewhat above the bottom.

I am again at a beginning, but this time my beginning is fortunately not starting from depths of despair. Instead, I am starting from a place of rather clear reflection. A place of pure desire for the life God wants me to have. A place where God can use me as He wants. A place where I finally KNOW I can do all things through Him, and I can do nothing of worth without Him.

This is the beginning. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me as I finally allow Him to mold me into the man, husband, father, and servant He wants me to be!